My Mountain Dew!
by DeathCaller13
Summary: What happens when I get an idea from an author about interviews, and drink loads of Mountain Dew? Read and find out. If you dare. Notice: No Transformers were harmed in the making of this fic. There was a thick glass wall in between us. (Set in Aramda)
1. Optimus Prime

_Chapter 1_

"Optimus Prime"

Hellloooo fans! I just came up with this silly fic. It popped in my tiny brain and I really wanted to do it. I thank ------- for the ideas. Though I'll only be talking with the Autobots, Decepticons, and the kids, including Billy and Fred, from Armada. Maybe I'll move on to Energon afterward. Happy laughing!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from this fic, but DeathCaller, the plot, the bazooka, and of course the fic. Someday! I _will_ own you!

Lawyer: clears throat

DeathCaller: Heh, right...ONWARD!

o o o o o o o o o

DeathCaller: Whodoyoulike,Optimus? O.O is standing in her chair with so much hyperness

Optimus: Are....uh....You didn't even ask me to take a seat.

DeathCaller: Take a seat or I'll live up my name! takes out a laser bazooka the size of herself and points it at Optimus

Optimus: OO quickly sits == You're on Mountain Dew, aren't you...? points at her curiously

DeathCaller: I might...Huh? Wait! You're changing the subject! slightly squeezes trigger Whodoyoulike?! OO

Optimus: Don't shoot me! I don't like anyone-uses his arms to block and cowers

DeathCaller: Yougottalikesomeone,howdoyagetalongwith'm? Huh? HUH?! jumps out of chair and pokes Optimus' leg

Optimus: Alright! I like Elita 1!

DeathCaller: backs off and smiles Of course ya do. That's nice. So tell me, how's your day? puts bazooka by her side as she sits

Optimus: sighs in relief and relaxes Well, it's okay. Hotshot's been a little ba-

DeathCaller: taps bazooka What about my Hotty-fa? glares

Optimus: O.O Um...Uh...BAKER! He's been a little baker for us and made the whole team some energon brownies. now please put away the gun...

DeathCaller: That's good to hear. And everyone else?

Optimus: Good, good. Nothing to say about them that's bad.

DeathCaller: Uh huh, and exactly what good things can you say?

Optimus: ..........Nothing?

DeathCaller: OO all in one motion, lifts her bazooka, stands in her chair, and begins to shoot Do you think _this_ is nothing?! There must be something to say! BOOM! BOOM!

Optimus: his chair is torn up and he's in fetal position Th-th-their-g-g-good. Just...please stop...OO

DeathCaller: lowers gun and sits down So tell me who you like.

Optimus: whines I told you who I like.

DeathCaller: Tellmewhoyoulike,Optimus,orfeelmywrath!

Optimus: No! You're out of control!

DeathCaller: readies gun Tellmenow!

Optimus: No! No! NO!

DeathCaller: blasts him Yes! BOOM! Yes! BOOM! Yes! BOOM!

Optimus: smoke clears Owwww...

DeathCaller: Nowtellme!

Optimus: Now even if Megatron took over Cybertron!

DeathCaller: Oh really? randomly takes out a controller with a big red button If I press this button, every Autobot defending your precious planet will explode.

Optimus: Are you mad?!

DeathCaller: Mad, mad? Or crazy mad? 'Cause I'm mad, mad!

Optimus: Crazy!

DeathCaller: Naw,justhyper. presses button

Optimus: Nooooooooooo-

DeathCaller: slurps a bottle of Mountain Dew Thank you, High Wire.

High Wire: beeps and walks off

Optimus: What?

DeathCaller: What what?

Optimus: What what what?

DeathCaller: I dunno. shrugs and slurps some more

Optimus: B-but-but-but-

DeathCaller: What about my rear? You attracted to it? Huh? Huh? Do ya? gets in his face Do ya? Do ya?

Optimus: What about Megatron and Cybertron and the Autobots exploding and the taking over?

DeathCaller: Oh! I was threatening High Wire so he'd bring me my Mountain Dew. I had no idea you were talking to me at the time.

Optimus: anime fall

DeathCaller: slurps her Dew and pokes Optimus with her foot He's out...() That's all from Optimus. 'Til next chappy! Bye! waves

R&R! Next time! Red Alert! Heeee!


	2. Red Alert

_Chapter 2_

__"Red Alert"

DeathCaller: Hello, all! And thank you for your reviews! I apologize about how wild I was last time. sits in her chair and looks casual Our guest today, is Red Alert.

Red Alert: walks in as an applause sounds Um, why did you name yourself that?

DeathCaller: looks like she's going to cry Because of bad critics...But I did have good ones, too.

Red Alert: Awww, it's all right. What did the bad one's say?

DeathCaller: gives him a deadly glare Aren't _I_ supposed to be asking the questions?

Red Alert: OO R...Right...um...Go on then.

DeathCaller: So tell me, Red, mind if I call you Red?

Red Alert: Actually-

DeathCaller: Good! So tell, me, what's your biggest dream?

Red Alert: My biggest dream? Hmmm...That's tough...thinks I would say, that my biggest dream is to be a doctor.

DeathCaller: () But aren't you already a medic?

Red Alert: You mean I wasn't just looking inside the guys for pleasure?

DeathCaller: O.O What did you say?

Red Alert: XD I am _so_ dead.

DeathCaller: leans forward and randomly takes out a can of Diet Mountain Dew and takes a sip You mean to tell me that you're _gay and_ like to look at guy Transformers'..._things_?

Red Alert: gestures for her to lower her voice No so loud!

DeathCaller: O.o takes another sip of her D.M.D. and is now crouching in her chair Please tell me more!

Red Alert: () As long as you keep it down.

DeathCaller: whispers Right. gives him a thumbs up

Red Alert: Okay, so I like to look at guy Transformers'...uh..._things_.

DeathCaller: nods frantically and takes another sip Ever seen a Decepticon?

Red Alert: blushes Back on Cybertron, I did...

DeathCaller: Oo You serious?! He actually _let_ you?! And Transformers can _blush_?!

Red Alert: Yes, we can blush. whispers And no, he was out cold and we were all alone. Now shoosh.

DeathCaller: Right...Go on.

Red Alert: So anyway-

DeathCaller: is Hotshot sexy on the inside?!

Red Alert: OO gets an evil idea and grins To _die_ for.

DeathCaller: Oh yes...I always knew he was hot...

Red Alert: waves her off, being silly Oh, you know it, girl.

DeathCaller: Whooooaaaa, now. If there's gonna be any gay talk, that's Thrust's job.

Red Alert: Uh, _rude much_! rolls eyes and crosses her legs You are _so_, wrong.

DeathCaller: Who are _you_ calling wrong?! You're _gay_! No offense to the gay people out there. I have a friend who's like that. He's pretty cool, too.

Red Alert: You know, with that rough attitude of your's, you sure are a prep.

DeathCaller: A...what? eye starts to twitch

Red Alert: You are _so_ a prep!

DeathCaller: OO -- sits up straight and positions herself back to a normal sit in her chair

Dead (oh, excuse me! ) Red Alert: watches her curiously

DeathCaller: sets down her can of D.M.D. and looks to Red Alert calmly as she takes a deep breath Red...You disappoint me..

Red Alert: is confused

DeathCaller: I was hoping I wouldn't have to do this...takes a cell phone from her pocket and dials a number

Red Alert: Who are you calling?

DeathCaller: Optimus? Hey! Guess what Red told me just now? He said he's not a medic. He just likes gay porn. And that's why he's working for you.

Red Alert: OO face drops, and he looks like he could have taken a crap

DeathCaller: You might wanna bring the boys over...All right...See ya soon. Bye bye. hangs up and puts the cell phone back in her pocket

Red Alert: Um...OO() Is it time to go? looks at his wrist that doesn't even have a watch Oh, look at the time. I have to...uh...Go get my hair cut! Yeah!

DeathCaller: randomly takes out her bazooka and cocks it, giving Red a deadly glare that could kill Now for my turn, to keep you busy while you wait for the guys...readies the bazooka

Dead-(Oh! Stupid fingers!) Red Alert: Uh...

DeathCaller: BOOM!! blasts the oversized gun

The smoke clears, and shows Red Alert scratch free and his optics wide. Even his grip on the chair is strong

DeathCaller: Crap! Why did I have to remember to put up the glass wall _today_?!

Optimus and the other Autobots run in

Hotshot: Where is that gay wad?!

Scavenger: points to the freaked out Red Alert There he is!

Optimus: Autobots! ATTACK!

everyone runs to the screaming Red Alert and tackles him. They start punching and kicking Red as they roll around and DeathCaller watches

DeathCaller: faces the audiences and hides the bazooka behind her back () Um...Well, I guess that's all from Red Alert. Heh...Sorry, you guys gad to see that. I tried. 'Til next time! Bye! waves

Optimus: I am Optimus Prime! Leader of the Autobots! Not Leader of the Gaybots!

Yay! Chapter 2 up! R&R! And I hope you guys liked it! Next time, we'll be torturing-OO I mean...talking with Scavenger!


	3. Scavenger

Chapter 3

"Scavenger"

DeathCaller: Hey everyone! I know how things have been getting hectic and weird on this fic. But I'm trying to make it humorous. I know it may offend you guys, and I'm sorry. But I just find torturing these guys to be fun. So anyway. Our next guest is...Scavenger! (((claps politely)))

Scavenger: (((peeks through the doorway))) Er...umm...Are you going to attack me?

DeathCaller: No...not this time. I'm feeling a bit calm today. Kinda sad actually.

Scavenger: Really? (((blinks and walks in)))

DeathCaller: Please do take a seat. And may I comment that you must have gotten a new paint job? You look quite shiny and new.

Scavenger: Th-thanks...You know, the guys warned me that you'll pull a trick on me and attack at the least expected moment.

DeathCaller: (((glares at Scavenger))) If you keep saying stuff like that...(((takes her bazooka from behind her chair, aims it and cock's it))) ...I just might do it...

Scavenger: (((gulps))) (if that's even possible for robots) Right...so anyway. What's the questions that you have for me? This IS an interview, right?

DeathCaller: (((opens a can of Diet Mountain Dew))) Yes...sips a bit

Scavenger: O.o o.O (((mouths out))) Oh no...

DeathCaller: (((has her bazooka slung over her shoulder))) What? Oh, the MD. No biggy. I'm too depressed about stuff right now. You don't have to worry about me getting after someone. Besides, I have this new CD that helps me vent out my anger when I listen to it.

Scavenger: Really? What's it called? (((relaxes in his chair)))

DeathCaller: _Disturbed..._ (((drools))) The album's name is "Sickness". These guys are great. Oh, and I'm gothic. But still Christian. I like the style, and I'm usually depressed a lot in the real world when not with my friends, or something bothersome is on my mind. So I'm fitting in pretty good.

Scavenger: Is it possible to be goth and Christian at the same time?

DeathCaller: Actually, yes. I have a boyfriend who is goth, and he believes in Jesus; and he knows about God now. All thanks to me! I think... Because I introduced him to God. Ahh...(((sips more of her diet mountain dew))) I think I'm a miracle worker. But anyway...H-HEY! I'm suppose to be asking the questions! This is MY interview!

Scavenger: O.O Hit the deck! She's gonna BLOW! (((hides behind his chair)))

DeathCaller: (((takes a deep breath and pulls her CD player from behind her chair and plays Disturbed really loud with her headphones on))) Grrr...

Scavenger: (((gets back in his chair))) Oh yeah. I forgot...()

DeathCaller: (((takes another sip of her Diet Mountain Dew and puts her bazooka next to her chair))) Anyway, we better get done with the interview. Two questions and you're free to go.

Scavenger: Ok.

DeathCaller: First question: Are you always serious? Or do you ever joke around? I've never seen you laugh or play a joke on anyone.

Scavenger: Well...There WAS this one time that I played a prank on Optimus. But that's just to get him back for something that happened from many years ago, when we were kids. ((chuckles at this))) Yes, I remember. I got him to sit on a melted-chocolate-covered whoopee cousion in class during High School. Man...that was the best! He looked like he-

DeathCaller: O.o SOILED HIMSELF! (((busts out laughing))) (((Turns down her CD player some))) WOW! That's a great prank! I'll have to try that one day. Thank you for the idea!

Scavenger: Erm...You're welcome?

DeathCaller: (((calms down from laughing))) Ok, question two...(((sighs))) What about that sleep problem you have when you were training Hot Shot in the first few episodes you joined with the Autobots?

Scavenger: What about it? Well, (((taps his chin and thinks))) I get bored easily. It's hard to stay awake when teaching someone, who pretty much sucks, something new. They take forever; I'm not really that much of a patient 'bot when it comes to training others.

DeathCaller: I see...Well, that's something I never thought of. Ok. That's all of the interview.

HotShot: (((bursts through the doors))) I SUCK? But I'm your student! That's not fair! I'm still learning!

Scavenger: He heard me? (((runs to the door to escape)))

DeathCaller: (((looks at Scavenger and shrugs))) I have a boyfriend now. I'm over Hot Shot...So...(((lifts her bazooka and aims it at Hot Shot and Scavenger))) (((Drinks the rest of her Diet Mountain Dew)))

Hot Shot and Scavenger: AHHH!

DeathCaller: (((pulls the trigger))) CHA - BOOOOOMM! (((grins and looks to the smoke)))

(((smoke clears and shows Hot Shot and Scavenger in a heap, twitching and squeaking)))

DeathCaller: Hee hee. (((lowers her can and bazooka))) You can't end my interview without a bang. See ya! Until next chapter! Next up is Hot Shot! (((gives everyone the peace sign))) Megan out!


	4. Hotshot

Chapter 4

"Hotshot"

**DeathCaller:** Greetings, readers. (((walks on stage and sits in her recliner))) I know that I've gotten some reviews that request for certain Transformers. I promise to get to them soon. I much also note that Those of you who have requested Decepticons will get there requests fulfilled once I'm done with the Autobots. Sorry...I do promise to interview those that are requested, though, ASAP. And now, our guest Transformer this entry is Hotshot! (((claps as the Autobot walks in cautiously.)))

**Hotshot:** S-so...I heard that you don't have a crush on me anymore. (((sits in his large recliner)))

**DeathCaller:** Right.

**Hotshot:** Phew...(((looks around a bit))) You don't have any Mountain Dew with ya, huh?

**DeathCaller:** Erm...Yyyeah? Why wouldn't I? This IS a fic called "My Mountain Dew", moron.

**Hotshot:** Hey! I'm not a moron! What's wrong with you?

**DeathCaller:** What's wrong with me! I'll tell you what! I found out that my boyfriend was cheating on me! I broke up with him and he did IT with his new girlfriend! And now YOU'RE asking questions when this is MY interview! That's what's wrong with me, you bloody moron! GAHHHHHHH! (((takes out her bazooka)))

**Hotshot:** (((cringes and grabs the bazooka from Death))) Hold on now! Calm down! What happened to that music that ya said would calm ya down? (((gently places the bazooka behind his chair and sits back down)))

**DeathCaller:** (((grows wide-eyed))) You...You took my bazooka from me...(((gets teary-eyed))) Bazooky...(((sniffle)))

**Hotshot:** Let's just get on with the interview, huh?

**DeathCaller:** (((Takes a can of Diet Mountain Dew from behind her chair and opens it))) Fine...(((drinks a bit)))

**Hotshot:** (((sits back and waits for his questions)))

**DeathCaller:** Ok, first question: Do you really suck at combat and stuff like Scavenger said?

**Hotshot:** NO! He just says that 'cause he doesn't watch me! The lazy 'bot falls asleep before I can get my leg in the air!

**DeathCaller:** (((giggles a bit))) That's funny. I've seen you in training at the base and you DO need some help.

**Hotshot:** Do not!

**DeathCaller:** I bet I can knock out Megatron in one kick if I wanted to! You'd just screw up and hit his knee!

**Hotshot:** WHAT! I can kick him silly!

**DeathCaller:** Oh really? Come on! I bet you 400 gallons of oil that I could kick Megatron's butt!

**Hotshot:** Bring it on, Grim! I bet you a years supply of Diet Mountain Dew AND my free will for TWO years that I could bring 'em down!

**DeathCaller:** You're on! But after the next two questions.

**Hotshot:** Fine...

**DeathCaller:** Will you give me back my bazooka, now?

**Hotshot:** No. You'd probably attack me with it like you did the other guys.

**DeathCaller:** Awww...Pweeeaaassse (((gets all puppy eyed with anime cuteness)))

**Hotshot:** That doesn't work with me. (((grins and folds his mechanical arms)))

**DeathCaller:** Crap...Questions three: Has Optimus ever gotten mad at you for running around the base and tripping over things and stuff like that when you're suppose to be helping with upgrades and repairs on the base?

**Hotshot:** Uuuuummmmm...That's hard to say. I think there WAS this one time. I think I had tripped over some kind of new generator and cracked the screen and messed up some programming. Yeah, heh...He was frustrated that day. 'Called me a "tin-can, no good toaster that was used for the Decepticons to cook up their evil plans."

**DeathCaller:** (((busts out laughing))) He called you that! HA! That's corny AND insulting at the same time! (((rolls on her recliner in laughter)))

**Hotshot:** Aw, shuddup...(((lowers his head in shame)))

**DeathCaller:** NOW! ((( scares Hotshot and stands in her chair))) Let's go get Megatron! You're going down, toaster! (((points at Hotshot, the toaster, and grins cheekily with a lot of evil)))

**Hotshot:** (((stands up and points down to Death))) Once I'm down kicking Megatron, I'm gonna make your butt so red, you'd swear it was sunburnt!

**DeathCaller:** I'm gonna make you eat those words, tin-can!

**Hotshot:** Stop calling me what Optimus did!

**DeathCaller:** MEGATRON! (((waits for the Decepticon leader to come on stage)))

**Megatron:** (((walks on stage from the back door))) What is it! I'm busy with my men!

**DeathCaller:** Stand in the middle of the stage and just stay there.

**Megatron:** And if I don't?

**DeathCaller:** (((somehow has a Transformer version of the purple Teletuby))) Or Tinky-Winky gets remodeled (((grins evily)))

**Megatron:** WHAT! How did you get that! Better yet, how did you know of him?

**DeathCaller:** I have my ways...Now get in the middle of the stage. (((ties Tinky-Winky to her recliner)))

**Hotshot:** (((watches in total humor and awe)))

**Megatron:** (((walks over to the spot he was commanded to be in and mumbles))) I swear, if anyone lets out about my Tinky, I'll kill someone...

**DeathCaller:** Oops. Too late. You know why?

**Megatron:** Why?

**DeathCaller:** 'Cause you're on Candid Camera!

**Megatron:** _WWWHAAAAT?_

**DeathCaller:** Psshht. You wish you were.

**Hotshot:** So when do we start?

**DeathCaller:** Right now. You go first, toaster.

**Hotshot:** Stop calling me that! (((walks in front of Megatron and faces him))) Why are you going along with that freak?

**Megatron:** Because she's threatening the life of my Tinky-Winky. (((grumbles)))

**DeathCaller:** Go!

**Hotshot:** Hhhyyaaaaaaaa! (((raises his leg to kick Megatron)))

(((CLANK!))

**Megatron:** (((in a high pitched voice))) Ah!...Eh...(((keels over into a fetal position, his hands between his legs)))

**Hotshot:** Uh-oh...(((cringes))) I'm so dead. (((backs away and hides behind Death. Nudges her with his hand toward Megatron))) Your turn.

**DeathCaller:** (((proudly walks over to Megatron))) Tinky-Wink is gonna be a nice mantle for my fireplace...(((grins evily)))

**Megatron:** What! (((quickly lifts his head)))

**DeathCaller:** (((smacks Megatron on his temple with her foot. Yes she kicked him)))

**Megatron:** (((keels over and seems to have fainted)))

**Hotshot:** Oh no...No way! That's not possible! Your foot should have broken! (((stands from his cowering crouch and points at Death))) You cheated some how! I just know it!

**DeathCaller:** Hotshot, I'm been knowing that a Transformer's temple is a very delicate area that can interrupt their circuitry for a good while. I didn't cheat. I wore steal-toe boots. I must be crazy if you thought I was gonna wear regular shoes to kick a robot.

**Hotshot:** Awww, come on! I don't have a year's supply of Diet Mountain Dew!

**DeathCaller:** AND the two years of your free will all for me? That's possible.

**Hotshot:** (((groans in defeat)))

**DeathCaller:** Hurry up and get my DMD! (((is in a really big and comfortable recliner fill with satin pillows and black roses around the chair)))

**Hotshot:** (((Can be heard from afar))) I'm coming! SHEESH!

**DeathCaller:** What was that?

**Hotshot:** Eep! Nothing! (((runs on stage with a can of DMD on a dark blue satin pillow))) Hear...

**DeathCaller:** What'd I tell you about your position!

**Hotshot:** Aw, not that. Please...

**DeathCaller:** Now...

**Hotshot:** (((gets on his knees and lowers his head)))

**DeathCaller:** There ya go. (((smiles cheerfully and grabs the DMD from the pillow)))

**Megatron:** (((groans, still in the middle of the stage from passing out))) What? Where's Tinky! (((looks around furiously)))

**DeathCaller:** (((points to the small chair across from her. The purple Teletuby is still strapped to the chair)))

**Megatron:** Tinky! (((runs over to the chair and unties the Transformer version doll))) I'm so glad you're safe. (((cuddles the thing in his arms))) Now, back to our plans against the Autobots! (((walks off stage)))

**DeathCaller:** That's all for this show! I'll see ya next chapter! (((waves))) Next interviewee is Jet Fire.

**Hotshot:** (((Thinks aloud by accident))) I've gotta warn him about her insanity...

**DeathCaller:** What was that!

**Hotshot:** Nothing! Nothing! (((screams and runs off)))

**DeathCaller:** (((runs after Hotshot))) GET BACK HERE! You owe me your bet! (((can now be heard from afar))) HOT-SHOOOT! I swear, when I catch you; you'll be a REAL toaster!

**Hotshot:** (((screams like a girl)))

R&R please!


	5. Jet Fire

**Having fun, everyone? I'm glad I got to make some people happy when they were having a bad day with this. Wow, my fic is a miracle worker. Lol Well, read, and have fun laughing.**

_**Chapter 5**_

_"Jet Fire"_

DeathCaller: Hey everyone! (((sits in a gigantical recliner))) Is "gigantical" even word? Anyway, I'm sorry that I've taken a great deal of time to make another chapter. As I believe that I've said before, I have limited access to the computer. That means that I have to pay money by the minute when I get online. Plus I was writing a book and had promised myself that I'd finish it before my birthday. Heh... Well, I better get on with the interview. Today, our guest is Jet Fire! (((claps as he walks in)))

Jet Fire: Death! How's it goin'? (((thumps back in his big recliner))) I heard you really freaked the other guys out.

DeathCaller: Really?

(((((((BACK STAGE)))))))

Optimus: (((is sitting in a corner, sitting with his knees up to his chest))) Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba...bazoo-z-z-zoo...bazooka...Ka-BOOM! (((spreads open his arms, acting out an explosion))) No! Don't hurt me! (((runs away)))

Hotshot: I am the forever servant of the Grim Reaper's daughter...Forever servant...forever...forever...

Red Alert: (((holds up a hammer and a wrench))) (((Acts as the hammer in a squeaky voice and acts as the wrench in a deep voice))) Hello, mister wrench! Hello, mister hammer. I am going to blow you up with my bazooka because I am a crazy sugar-high person, mister wrench! You are? Oh no! Run my friends! The hammers are planning against us! Prepare for war! AHHHHH!

Scavenger: (((watches Red Alert throw the wrench across the room))) Take cover! It's gonna blow! The wrench is mad at us!

Optimus: (((is now running in circles with his arms flapping in the air))) AHHH! Death is going to shoot me! Help! (((is thwacked in the head by the flying wrench and falls over, unconscious)))

Hotshot: (((eyes grow wide))) She after me! AHHHHHH! (((runs out of the building)))

(((((((ON STAGE)))))))

DeathCaller: (((clears her throat))) Oh. Did I do that?

Jet Fire: Yep.

DeathCaller: Hmm. Oh well. (((shrugs her shoulders))) They'll get over it sooner or later.

Jet Fire: Yeah, I'm sure they will. (((mumbles))) After ten years of psycology.

DeathCaller: Did'ja say something?

Jet Fire: ((( looks around))) Who? Me? Naww. So how about we get on with the interview?

DeathCaller: Sure. So, first question: (((thinks for a long moment, then grows wide eyed and looks up to Jet Fire))) Where do transformer babies come from?

Jet Fire: Well...Umm...You see...When a mommy transformer and a daddy transformer love each other very much, they go to the baby factory and buy some parts and bring them to a special doctor so they can customize their kids.

DeathCaller: Oh. Wow... (((smiles happily))) Thanks a bunch! (((mumbles to herself))) So many mysteries I have yet to learn...Next question!

Jet Fire: All right.

DeathCaller: Question two: Is that mask permanent? Or can you take it off. Don't you guys eat?

Jet Fire: Actually, we do eat. But you never see it in the episodes. We eat when the cameras are off. The action must always be rolling! So yeah, we can take off our masks.

DeathCaller: Fascinating! Question three: Can Transformer males get prostate cancer?

Jet Fire: WHAT! Uh...No. Where would you get a crazy idea like that? That's just crazy!

DeathCaller: Oh. I saw it on that strange show. It's called "Robot Chicken". (((does not own)))

Jet Fire: That's just crazy.

DeathCaller: Question four: Do you think those guys will ever get better?

Jet Fire: I'm sure after I come back to them, they'll realize that you've finally calmed down.

DeathCaller: That's good to hear. Well, that's all the questions! Good luck getting the others to stay out of statis lock. Haha.

Jet Fire: See ya later! (((walks off stage)))

DeathCaller: Bye! (((waves)))

Jet Fire: (((once, on the back stage, he notices that the Autobots are gone and turns on his com-link))) Optimus, where did you go?

Optimus: We're back at the base. We've finally calmed down a bit.

Jet Fire: Good, but you better start freaking out again.

Optimus: Why is that, Jet Fire?

Jet Fire: (((speaks in a dark voice))) They know the male Transformer secret...

Optimus: What! Return to base! We're getting neutered!

Jet Fire: Optimus! That's crazy! There must be some other way!

Optimus: You're right. I'm thinking to drasticly. But return to base anyway and prepare for war! (((says in dark voice))) We attack at dawn...

Jet Fire: Yes, sir! (((turns off com-link)))

In the next..."My Mountain Dew!"...

Optimus: "F" is for friends who do stuff together!

Hotshot: "U" is for you and me!

Red Alert: "N" is for anywhere and anytime at all!

All Autobots and Deceptcons: Here in the deep green Dew!

DeathCaller: (((swims in front of the Transformers and looks to the camera...)))

**Hmmmm, this is strange. Wonder what's gonna happen then? Review and you'll find out as soon as I write the next chapter. 'Til then, have a good day.**


	6. Blurr

_Chapter 6_

_"Blurr"_

DeathCaller: Greetings, my fans. I know it's been a while since I updated on this fic. (((sits in her big comfy black recliner))) Today, we have Blurr as our interviewee. Hmmm, this will get very good. Tee hee.

So let's get to it.

Blurr: (((walks onto the stage and takes a seat on whatever because of the way he's built and all))) Hey, Death. Jet Fire told me you were pretty calmed down last time. So how is it?

DeathCaller: I heard him say something backstage last interview. What was that all about?

Blurr: Is this one of the questions?

DeathCaller: No. I'm serious.

Blurr: (((shrugs))) Nothing. You must be hearing things. So what's the questions for today?

DeathCaller: Hmmm, oh well. I suppose we can get on with it. But first, check out this awesome device I built while I wasn't making this episode. (((holds a rope that seems to be attached to something on the ceiling)))

Blurr: What's that?

DeathCaller: (((Pulls on the rope, making some curtains from behind her slide open to show a giant Mountain Dew bottle being held by machine stuff to make it pour in many cups that are constantly being filled by the liquid inside the giant bottle)))

Blurr: What's THAT!

DeathCaller: That's my invention that I'll now use for my shows. I can have Diet Mountain Dew non-stop, now. Isn't it great? (((Takes a cup that is handed to her by a mechanical arm)))

Blurr: It may be great for you, but I don't think it's safe for the interviewees...(((awes at the trouble-making device)))

DeathCaller: (((chugs down the cup of Dew and tosses in a large trash bin behind her. Takes another cup from the mechanical arm))) Ok. First question: Are the Autobots planning an attack on me because I asked them a silly question about Transformers being able to get prostate cancer?

Blurr: Uhh...I don't think so. No. That's not what's going on.

DeathCaller: Oh. Ok. (((shrugs))) I worry over nothing for no reason sometimes. (((sips her DMD))) Question two! What do you think of my invention? And who's your most hated Decepticon?

Blurr: That's two questions!

DeathCaller: Hush and answer! (((takes out her bazooka)))

Blurr: (((gasps))) Uhh...You're invention is pretty interesting, but don't you think it's a hazard to people and other life forms other than yourself? And, my most hated Decepticon will have to be Thrust. He's just weird and isn't what I expected him to be when he came here on Earth for the battles.

DeathCaller: What's wrong with my machine! You're mean! (((chugs down the cup and grabs another, chugging that one, too))) And yes, Thrust is quite a disappointment to many after hearing the tales of what the Autobots and Decepticons had explained during his first appearance. (((drinks the cup)))

Blurr: Don't you think that's enough Mountain Dew for one interview?

DeathCaller: (((glares at the mech))) Are you questioning my authoritaaayyy? You do not question my authoritay.

Blurr: Why didn't I stay in bed? Or even get scheduled on a different date?

DeathCaller: Question three! Are you afraid of my bazooka?

Blurr: Not really. It's just some human creation. It's primitive to my race's technology.

DeathCaller: (((twitches her eye))) What the crap? I didn't understand a word you said. For that, you will witness my wrath!

Blurr: Oh no...

Optimus' Voice From Somewhere: Ok, men! Now!

Megatron's Voice From Somewhere As Well: Decepticons! Attack!

DeathCaller: I knew it! You were planning an attack against me this whole time! (((starts to fire random shots around the stage as Autobots and Decepticons move in)))

_Harshly enough, one of her shots land on the giant bottle of Diet Mountain Dew, making it explode and releasing the Dew all over the room. The area floods and manages to be drank by the Transformers..._

Everyone: (((pauses for a bit and looks around)))

Side Swipe: Hugs for everyone! Come on! Group hug!

Everyone: (((hugs in a giant pile)))

Optimus: (((starts to dance))) "F" is for friends to do stuff together!

Hotshot: (((joins in)))"U" is for you and me!

Red Alert: (((dances, too))) "N" is for anywhere and anytime at all!

All Autobots and Deceptcons: (((raises arms in the air with hugs smiles))) Here in the deep green Dew!

DeathCaller: (((swims in front of the Transformers and looks to the camera with a big smile on her face. Grabs her neck and begins to choke. She sinks out of view from the camera)))

Decepticons: (((grin evilly)))

Demolisher: (((launches missiles at the Autobots))) "F" is for FIRE that burns down the whole town!

Cyclonus: (((punches Hot Shot))) "U" is for Uranium!...BOMBS! (((goes trigger happy)))

Megatron: (((knocks out Optimus))) "N" is for NO surviiivors! When you're–

_The backstage doors burst open, letting out the Diet Mountain Dew into the streets and carrying the Autobots and Decepticons with it._

DeathCaller: (((coughs and looks up, soaked with Mountain Dew))) Where'd they go? Wait...(((gasps))) I just almost drowned in Mountain Dew...One of my many dream ways to die...No fair! (((runs for the doors and notices Blurr laying on the stage floor)))

Blurr: (((sits up and looks at Death)))

DeathCaller: Why weren't you taken with the others?

Blurr: Because that's how you wrote the script.

DeathCaller: Yeah, that might be why. Well, your interview is over. Unless you want more questions.

Blurr: No. I'm fine. I'll see you later.

DeathCaller: Ok, then. See you, later. (((waves to Blurr as he walks off backstage)))

Blurr: (((is gone)))

DeathCaller: (((turns and looks to her ruined invention. Takes a deep breath...))) Nooooooooooooo! My hard work! It isn't fair! (((looks to the drowned audience. She shrugs and walks off stage))) Looks like it's back to the drawing board. Review, my beautiful fans! You're doing great! And please tell your friends about this fic, too! Thanks a bunch! Until next chapter, bye bye! (((waves)))


	7. Sideswipe

_Chapter 7_

_"Sideswipe"_

DeathCaller walks onto the stage as the audio tape plays clapping sounds. She presses a button on a remote as she sits in her big recliner, and the clapping stops.

"Welcome to _My Mountain Dew_, everyone!" she grins to the part cardboard part human audience. "Today, I'm going to interview Sideswipe!"

Sideswipe runs in, "Give me a hug!" a cheeky smiles on his face. He lifts DeathCaller out f her chair and hugs her tightly.

DeathCaller chokes as her eyes bulge out and her head swells. Suddenly, her head explodes, splashing blood everywhere.

Sideswipe screams bloody murder and drops the limp body. "I killed her! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!"

"Ooooooooo," comes a ghostly voice from behind te curtain in the back of the stage. "Siiideswiiiipe...Why did you kiiillll meeeeeee?" the familiar voice questioned. DeathCaller walks out of the curtains, pure white, like a zombie. "It's MY job to kill things!" she sweeps out her duo scythe from behind her back and stances as if she were ready to fight.

Sideswipe screams like a little girl and runs off stage. "Noooo! I'm sorry!"

DeathCaller coughs, white powder escaping her mouth. She grins and begins to dust herself off. "Yes, yes. That was a cruel joke, but I've been planning that for days." She's now back to her normal color and tosses the duo scythe back stage.

A bazooka is tossed back at her and she sets it against her recliner.

"Sideswipe! Get over here!" DeathCaller yells out.

Sideswipe is dragged back onto the stage by giant claws that are attached to the ceiling.

"Now sit," DeathCaller says sternly.

And so he does as DeathCaller watches him with sharp eyes.

"Ok," DeathCaller starts, "let's begin with the interview. Then you can run along."

"O-okay.." Sideswipe squeaks.

DeathCaller sighs, "Listen...I'm not dead, that was a dummy stuffed with ketchup that you hugged, and I'm not going to kill you. All right?"

Sideswipe nods at her nervously.

"Now," DeathCaller relaxes in her recliner. "Let's begin, shall we? Question one: Do you love males?"

"Are you asking me if I'm gay?" Sideswipe gives her a look that would signify an arched eyebrow.

DeathCaller looks around innocently, "Nooooo. I'm just...Oh, all right. Are you gay?"

"No. I'm just more cute, innocent, confused, and affectionate than most male Transformers, that's all."

"Okay," DeathCaller checks off a paper that she suddenly has and sips a cup of Diet Mountain Dew that also cam from who-knows-where. "Second question: Do you like Hotshot?"

"Yeah, sure. We're good brothers."

DeathCaller leans forward, "do you want to looove him?"

"Wha-" Sideswipe pushes himself back against his chair in fright and confusion, "I...uh..."

Donkey, from Shrek, appears on stage and sings, "The ya got to got to show a little tenderneeess!"

"Hey! No farm animals on stage!" DeathCaller shoos Donkey away as he nags back to her.

"Anyway," DeathCaller sits back in her recliner. "Question three, and you're free to go: What does 'Bahweepgranaweepninibong' mean?"

"What?" Sideswipe stares at DeathCaller in confusion.

DeathCaller glares back at him, "You should know. You're a Transformer."

"Hello?"

Sirens wail out, and confetti and balloons fall from the ceiling over Sideswipe.

"You've just won a new car!" announces a game show man's voice.

"Uh...But I already turn into a car," Sideswipe look around for the man.

It grows silent...

The sirens start again, and confetti and balloons fall over DeathCaller as she now sits in a black Fire Bird and waves with a huge grin on her face.

"Then DeathCaller just won a new car!" comes the voice.

"For what reason?" Sideswipe stands up.

"None at all!" answers the voice cheerfully. "But you can have this."

The dummy from earlier is thrown into Sideswipe's arms. He looks at it and runs off screaming, dropping the dummy.

"That's all for this chapter! I'm interviewing Smokescreen next!" DeathCaller waves to the audience as the curtains close.


	8. Smokescreen

**_Oh, my adoring fans! I've missed you so! Let us rejoice that I've finally updated this blasted fic. lol Nah...but anyway, I trust everyone had a great Easter Holiday and Spring Break. Most of us are refreshed and ready for the next tiresome parts of life once again! Hooray! lol Well, I won't bother you anymore. Enjoy!_**

_Disclaimer:_** I do not own Transformers. The only things I do own in this fic is DeathCaller (me, of course) and the plot. **

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**Chapter 8**

"_Smokescreen"_

DeathCaller walks on stage, waving to the cardboard audience as the tap plays the fake clapping. She sits down and clears her throat a little nervously. Finally, she speaks, "Greetings, my wonderful readers. I apologize for not updating for a long while on this fic. I kinda went into writer's block for it and got new inspirations for new fics." She then holds up cheesy advertisements for her fanfics. "Anyway," she puts them away, "Our guest today is the last Autobot that I have to interview for the Armada series."

The tape begins to play clapping and cheering as the cardboard people sit in their theater seats with huge drawn grins on their faces. Soon, the clapping stops.

"All right," DeathCaller stands up, "I'm done apologizing and stuff. It's time to stop being proper and get on with the show!"

A rather large bottle of Mountain Dew is tossed at the girl, sending her falling to the stage floor. "Oomph!" The curtains close for a time.

Soon, the black curtains reopen to reveal a slouched DeathCaller in her large recliner in front of a tv and PS2. The sounds of gunshots and bomb explosions emit from the television's speakers. Suddenly, sad music plays and DeathCaller drops the controller on the floor.

"Darn it! I hate you, Tidlewave! I hope you go drown in a puddle!" DeathCaller turns off the PS2 and turns her recliner around to face Smokescreen, "So, Smokey, how's it going?"

"Pretty good," the large orange bot grins. "I see you're having a lot of trouble with Tidlewave, there."

"Shut up...The only way to beat him on Commander level is by using that one-hit-KO cheat." DeathCaller grumbles, folding her arms across her chest.

"And are you?"

"Eventually..."

There's a long silence between the two. Suddenly, the silence is broken.

"Let's start the interview!" DeathCaller sits back in her chair and randomly grabs a can of Mountain Dew from the side of her large recliner.

"All right," Smokescreen relaxes and waits for the questions to begin.

"So tell me, Smokescreen...Have you ever lived up to your name?"

"Actually yes. It was back when I was younger..."

The scenery blurs out and changes to sometime in the past where the younger forms of Smokescreen, Optimus Prime, and Hot Shot are standing.

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"Guys!" Smokescreen calls for his buddies, "Guys, I have this huge pressure in my rear axle. You got the torch?"

"All right!" Hot Shot whips out a flamethrower and gets it ready.

Smokescreen bends over while Optimus watches the two younger bots, and strains, "ErrrraAAHH!""

A loud, rumbling, slightly wet noise escapes from Smokescreen's rear. Then, a huge cloud of smoke follows the sounds.

"Aawwgh!" Hot Shot and Optimus cried out in unison. They backed off, covering their optics.

"Dang, Smokescreen!" Hot Shot began to laugh, "Talk about living up to your name!"

The scenery changes once again and returns to the stage.

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DeathCaller blinks and stares at the orange mech. "Right," she shifts in her recliner. "Dude, you're good!"

Smokescreen grins, "Thanks. But that's when we were younger."

"I can tell." DeathCaller sits up, "Second question! Ummm...Poop...what's the first thing that comes to your...uh...thoughts?"

"Poop?" Smokescreen thinks as he stares at DeathCaller in question. "I guess...piles of bolts and scrapped metal."

"Do Transformers poop?"

"Not...really. We kinda just let exhaust escape from our pipes."

"Like the walking farts?"

"What?" Smokescreen laughs.

"The walking farts. They're basically endless farts that continue to come out as you travel or whatever."

"I...guess. You humans are so strange."

"Oh, it's not just humans. Animals do it, too." DeathCaller grins at the mech. "Wow. Transformers fart. Awesome."

"Is it bad?"

"In some cultures, yes. Others, it means a good thing. Personally, I get picked on if I fart. So, I've learned to hold it in. But I'm sure our readers don't want to know that." She laughs, "But I bet four out of every five readers who read this fic do the same thing."

"Are you telling me you want me to hold in my exhaust?"

"Sure, why not? You might die or something, though."

"So you want me do die?"

"No."

"Why you would you tell a Transformer to hold in their exhaust?"

"Do you like explosions, Smokescreen?" DeathCaller reaches behind her recliner, grinning evilly at the construction mech and sips a bit of her Mountain Dew.

"Uh...explosions?"

"Yes..." DeathCaller hisses to him, "Big explosions."

Smokescreen leans back in his chair and grips the arms of it, "Ummm...everyone once in a while."

"How about right now? Do you feel like seeing a big explosion right now?" DeathCaller starts to pull something out from behind her chair.

"I...uh...sure?"

"HAA!" DeathCaller pulls out a remote and points it to a small television while pressing a button. The television shows a huge nuclear explosion with rumbling sound effects.

Smokescreen passes out in his chair, thinking he was going to explode.

"Smokey? Hey...Smo...key? Yoo-hoo..." Looks around at the cardboard box audience. "Ummm, medic?"

Red Alert comes running onto the stage, "Make way! I got it!"

DeathCaller, "Promise you won't...look...anywhere...ya know..."

Red Alert looks up from examining Smokescreen's problem, "Death..." he sighs, "I promise. Besides, Optimus said that I wouldn't be allowed to keep my career if I kept it up. So I don't do that anymore."

DeathCaller nods. She then looks to the audience, "Um...I guess that's the end of the chapter. Sorry, everyone. We kinda had a ..." She looks over to Smokescreen and Red Alert. "...mishap."

Red Alert lifts Smokescreen onto a stretcher that was conveniently placed there and rolls the orange mech off stage and out of the building, "He's going to need better treatment. Sorry, DeathCaller."

Waves to big red, "It's cool, dude! Be good and best of luck!"

Once Red Alert leaves, DeathCaller looks to her fans, "Well, that's all for now. Hope you enjoyed. Again, sorry for the shortage. And oh. I know I took WAY longer than I normally do on updating this fic, but ideas weren't coming very well for this one. Plus, I don't bring it to school with me. I now type it on the computer. So yeah, this is gonna be one of two fics that I'm writing to waste time and still bring happiness to others." She smiles and waves. "Until the next chapter! You've seen and laughed at their hidden truths on _My Mountain Dew!_" Chugs down her large cup of Mountain Dew and pulls out her bazooka, "Now get!" Blows up the audience.

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**_Well, that's all for this fic! Again, sorry for the time it took, and sorry for its short length. I didn't think it was that funny, but I've been running out of ideas. Although, I DID get this awesome inspiration for the next chapter or somewhere along this fic. You'll just have to wait, though._**

**_Please Review! Every one of your reviews count! Makes everything better. Thank you so much! Take care!_**


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